Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
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