so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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