last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
