How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
