Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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