I haven't been this sober since birth.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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