I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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