all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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