I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
