Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
it was like eating out sand paper
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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