he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
