mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I didn't notice because vodka
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
