somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
