I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
