I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she peed on how many people?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
