Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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