I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
