Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
