Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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