But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
