Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
