I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
