never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
