Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
