Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
