ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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