i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
