I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
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and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
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I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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