They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
