Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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