I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I am available for nakedness
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
