Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
