She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
it hurts more in the daytime
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
