I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
