I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize