hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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