i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
