I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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