I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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