i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Sext me about skeletons
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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