The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
