just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
