Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
