You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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