Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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