I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
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I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
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I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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