Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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