and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
