You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
