$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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