apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
How does it feel to date your dad?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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