Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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