would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
im calling her cock vulture from now on
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
