Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
