If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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