I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
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It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
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Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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