You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
