There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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