Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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