I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
They took my balls.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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