So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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