I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
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He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
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They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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