Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
