guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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