An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
All I want is dick and wine.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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