Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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