My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
