I wish my penis had an off switch
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
