I must be too annoying 4 u.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
