So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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