found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I have aggressive nipples.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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