sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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