Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
