My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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