If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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