How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
