No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
