I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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