It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
