im about as happy as oj after his trial
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
