There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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